taking things slow

alone in a room, air cool and light, not dry air-conditioned air, juz natural. Music soothes out, soft ayumi and anime tunes... seldom do i feel this way - relaxed, comfortable... bored.

i am bored, suddenly my hectic life just comes to a halt, suddenly i am alone. i asked for it, time for myself, but somehow when i get it, it comes with an ounce of regret. Without much to do, i once again do something i try not to, double click on that mIRC icon.

it unleashes a flood of conversations, adverts, emotions.. most looking for sex. the occasional lame advert, bitching, looks, bods, sex. why am i online? i've got so much to do.. but the inertia is great, but its more than that, or is it? a guy posts on main that he is lookin for frens/chat, not sex.. so familiar, yet i felt no intention to chat with him, i wonder why..

going out seems like a chore, kinda like doing homework, but so is keeping myself entertained.. i mean.. where has that excitement fueled from getting time off from work gone to? maybe i didnt treasure my school life well enough, too ignorant to know what people were saying, too innocent to understand why so many spoke of their school years as one of the best times of their life. there isnt any questions or answers, just a blank, void mind.

i pick up my handphone, considering asking someone out. a movie maybe, many good movies around lately. but nah, time, money.. what am i doing?