when fuck = wad did i juz do?
fuck is not juz a word, its full of expression.. like a hidden language.
recalling my innoccent days before i enlisted, i remember how i told friends with abit of gusto "hey, u dont have to be pressured to use vulgarities in ns" and stuff like "i won't let ns change me" .. though i might have succeeded to a small extent on the latter, i guess i have failed on the former judging by.. owell, theres nothing to judge.
the sad thing about life, nothing is permanent. then why do we look for a joy in life? it wouldnt be permanent would it? what happens when it is lost? (on the other hand.. oh yeah, just be a monk and escape the bumps and valleys in life, not very convincing)
today i guess 2 people got hurt in one tiny way or another. Me, and someone who has been close to me for the pass few months. It works this way, i got to know this guy who was 30 in his fridae profile... pretty interesting and we clicked pretty well.. things got outta hand and maybe we did step a 'lil over the "just frens" line.. hmm, i don't know, all pretty confusing.
cut the crap short, sunday was suppose to be sentosa day with this cutie but he realised that we had indeed drifted to become "just frens" and commented that if i was seeing someone, i should tell him. Seeing someone, would having seen someone for just 1 day count? i don't know why but this guy has conquered my mind for today. Anyway so i told my "just fren" that yeah, maybe there was someone and the whole mood changed. He kinda took it cooly, asked me to pioritise my time for my own life and not on someone who's age gap probably would have made things impossible anyway.
kinda sad, as if it just ended like dat. i mean, he really puts the twinkle to my eyes, make me have faith in the circle, but than again, re-establish my lack of faith in fate. kinda sad that deep inside i know i have once again became the bad guy.
kinda sad that i waited the whole day, looking forward to meet dis "new" guy, only to be dissappointed..
fuck.. what did i just do?
what had i been doing...
recalling my innoccent days before i enlisted, i remember how i told friends with abit of gusto "hey, u dont have to be pressured to use vulgarities in ns" and stuff like "i won't let ns change me" .. though i might have succeeded to a small extent on the latter, i guess i have failed on the former judging by.. owell, theres nothing to judge.
the sad thing about life, nothing is permanent. then why do we look for a joy in life? it wouldnt be permanent would it? what happens when it is lost? (on the other hand.. oh yeah, just be a monk and escape the bumps and valleys in life, not very convincing)
today i guess 2 people got hurt in one tiny way or another. Me, and someone who has been close to me for the pass few months. It works this way, i got to know this guy who was 30 in his fridae profile... pretty interesting and we clicked pretty well.. things got outta hand and maybe we did step a 'lil over the "just frens" line.. hmm, i don't know, all pretty confusing.
cut the crap short, sunday was suppose to be sentosa day with this cutie but he realised that we had indeed drifted to become "just frens" and commented that if i was seeing someone, i should tell him. Seeing someone, would having seen someone for just 1 day count? i don't know why but this guy has conquered my mind for today. Anyway so i told my "just fren" that yeah, maybe there was someone and the whole mood changed. He kinda took it cooly, asked me to pioritise my time for my own life and not on someone who's age gap probably would have made things impossible anyway.
kinda sad, as if it just ended like dat. i mean, he really puts the twinkle to my eyes, make me have faith in the circle, but than again, re-establish my lack of faith in fate. kinda sad that deep inside i know i have once again became the bad guy.
kinda sad that i waited the whole day, looking forward to meet dis "new" guy, only to be dissappointed..
fuck.. what did i just do?
what had i been doing...
posted by ray at 12:30 PM
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