i wana say thank you

Actually no, i wana say FUCK YOU..

mental recap of things that have happened within the last 7days. A fren asked me out for a movie - rice rhapsody, and later hinted for something more. Ignored that.. and after the movie hinted again for me to go over to his place.. ignored that, and later it became a direct question... turned the offer down and even as i was going home .. and what did i get? guilt squeezing msges for turning down the offer.. .. now tell me am i NOT suppose to think that it wasnt a pure innocent non-physical intention for the entire thing?

My ex calls me and asks me how are the guys i am dating. Full stop. Now who is bitching about me?? who told him i am dating some wierd guy?

Clubbing experience turned out bad wif a drunk fren crying on my shoulder, hugging me while interested guys just looked on.. while the guy he was crying over was also glum and crying over him.. haha, complicated? actually the situation is hopeless, dont know why the drunk fren was crying so much aniway.

Somehow during the toughest reps when i hit the gym, im still sayin in my "FUCK YOU *******" juz for that extra kick..

right now im so paranoid about meetin people, afraid of the tot of sex, or the tot of guys who make me think twice about going out with them because i dont want to see their dissappointed faces. Maybe im happier alone, less bitching, less stories, less involved in endless problems that just continue from the starting point. Less judgements, less crap, less hurt, less.. .. im going crazy


where is the light at the end of the tunnel
flicker 'o flicker i see
dims,
displaces.

i chase
i pant,
i run,
occasionally with glee

a moth to the light
a flower to a bee
i chase,
we chase,
we flee..

i close my eyes
squeeze hard and yell
nothing comes out
fucking cold as hell
shiver
pant
quiver
i seek what not i know
i write whatever comes with the flow
its just random tots
but i know
maybe it will make me feel better

i tell of hope in the circle
but i wonder what hope i have
it just keeps getting darker
with every move, heave, death

being pessimistic wont help,
n wont attrac
t- i noe
but being optimistic hasnt either..

everyday i pick myself up
i try,
sometimes succeeding

everyday, one day older..
sometimes i die
bleeding..

unpredictable as life may be
i embrace it everyday,
twinkle in the eyes

unforseen stories,
i lead my life
let me lead it right
i shall start afresh over n over,
if thought is my weakness,
i can choose it not to be
i shall triumph
i shall try

i wana say thank you for being me.